Grocery Shopping (For Real)

Please don't tell Mrs. Muller, but I like to go grocery shopping with my daughter. For real.   If she finds out she'll insist I go all time.  I believe I'd have to turn in my man card then.  Sometimes it's difficult being a man.

When my daughter and I go shopping we always have a great time.  We break out our list (and like a real man, I never deviate from the list), wander up and down the isles shopping for bargains, comparing prices, trying to figure if we should go with the super sized item or if we can stay with the regular size, look at the lobster tank, and other shopping related things like that.  Sometimes we have minor disagreements, like when she cost me an extra $1.20 for yogurt because, "Yoplait is creamier!"  Whatever.  Still, we had a great time.

Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead 2.  Great movie!

On this last trip to the grocery store, I noticed a Universal Studios advertisement for Halloween Horror Nights on the door.  If you're not familiar with Halloween Horror Nights it's a late night Halloween party in the park where the main attractions are haunted houses and people dressed up in costumes trying to scare you.  Also, you hear Oingo Boingo's It's a Dead Man's Party just about everywhere.  I've been once and it was a hoot.  This guy with a chainsaw kept running after Mrs. Muller, making her scream like a lunatic.  That alone was worth the price of admission.

Anyway, the event is usually themed, sometimes after iconic horror movie miscreants,  and I wanted to see what this year's theme might be.  I walked up to the door, triggered the door's magical eye, and the door opened, hiding the ad behind another ad that was on a stationary wall of glass.  I stepped back, allowing the door to close, and tried to see this year's theme without triggering the automatic doors.  Naturally, I couldn't see it, so I stepped up to it again, tripping the door's magic eye, hiding the poster from view again.  I wasn't sure if I was on Candid Camera or not, but my daughter sure got the giggles.

The Dude!

As I stood there trying to riddle out a way to see the poster, a customer and her groceries were helped out the same door by a grocery store employee, hiding the ad once more, and leaving me bent over and my daughter giggling.  Now, I don't care much if people think I'm a dork, but my son does...and he works at the grocery store where this episode was taking place.  To give you an example, my son told me that I should not use the word "dude".  It's uncool.   I told him, "Dude, I don't really care what your friends might think of my use of the word 'dude.'"

"Dude."

Since he worked at that particular store I did think it better to stop trying and save him from the humiliation of my dorkiness.  It killed me, though.  I can't understand why they would put that ad on a door where no one would be able to read it.  Of course my daughter pointed out that each register had the same ad on it.  The theme is, "Fear Itself".  Indeed.

Save for a bit of dorkiness, we had a wonderful time grocery shopping once again.  I guess I'll do some more shopping in the future for Mrs. Muller, as long as Lili (that's my daughter's nickname) comes along.  I am going to talk to her about the yogurt thing, though.  I'm not sure creamier yogurt should cost a buck twenty more.  But, then again, she's worth it, so maybe I'll just over look it...one more time.

The Freakin' Four-way Stop

The concept is reasonable and quite simple.  At all four entry points of an intersection there is a stop sign with another sign below it indicating it's a four-way stop.  The first person to the intersection, after coming to a complete stop, goes through the intersection first.  There's not a lot required of the driver other than knowing who arrived at the intersection before you, waiting for those drivers to go, and then driving through the intersection once it's your turn.  Sweet and easy, right?  I wish.

I've actually categorized and named the different nabobs that confound and befuddle the four-way stop process.  This is either an indication that I have way too much time on my hands, or that I have a potential problem with road rage.  Maybe both.  Hopefully neither, but I'll let you, the dear reader, be the judge.

The Searcher


This just happened to me today and is the reason I'm in the tizzy that I'm in.  You pull up to the four-way stop after another car.  It continues to sit there as you wait for it to proceed.  However, you notice the driver is digging in their purse, or some such, perhaps rooting around the car, in search of something. In the incident I endured today a lady was tearing the front seat of her car out in search of something.  Right as I had figured I should just go, she popped up with her cell phone and darted into the intersection, causing me to slam on my breaks.  I"m guessing she talked on it the rest of the way to her destination, reeking havoc along the way.  I don't know her, but I don't think I like that woman.

The Uncommitted

This individual causes just about as much trouble as the searcher.  It's usually some little old lady that can barely see over the steering wheel.  It's her turn to go, but hesitates, causing the other drivers to wonder if she will ever go.  She gases it about the same time another driver does, causing both drivers to slam on their breaks.  She'll then slowly, and I mean slowly, creep out into the intersection, kind of testing the other drivers to see if they might try to go as well, before she steps on the gas and rolls through the intersection.  God love our grandmas, but dang if that ain't irritating!

The Stop-N-Go

It's a busy four-way intersection with lots of drivers just wanting to get home.  There are like five cars ahead of you.  You slowly make it up to the intersection and it's your turn to go when one of the other drivers rushes up to the intersection, does a Tennessee rolling stop (that's what we call it in our parts, I'm sure you have your own name for it) and blasts through the intersection, causing you to slam on your breaks.  I think the stop-n-go does it because they know the natural reflex of the other driver is to hit the breaks.  They drive off and could care less that it was your turn.  They're worst than the person who gets in the "10 Items or Less" lane at a grocery store with 15 items.  Actually, I think I dislike them both equally, now that I think about it.

The Director

You and three other drivers pull up to the four-way stop nearly simultaneously.  Someone will have to take the initiative and just go.  But it's not that simple because a crotchety old dude in a pickup truck decides he will direct the traffic flow.  I'm assuming it's arbitrary, but he'll point at the person he thinks should go first, then second, and so on.  It's not a bad thing he does it, it's better than the chaos of all four people going at the same time, I just wonder if I'll do that when I'm 80 years old.  I hope not.

The Short Stop

You and another car are pulling up to the four-way stop and it's obvious you'll be there before they will.  To compensate for this, the other driver will short stop the intersection, that is, stop way back of the intersection, in order to go before you. When I say short stop, I mean as much as ten feet before the intersection.  That dude has got to be in a real hurry to do that.  A stop-n-go will usually follow a short stop, making that person doubly infuriating.

The Abdicator

This person is just trying to be nice.  He pulls up, it's their turn to go, but they figure they'll be courteous and let the next person go.  By abdicating his turn, however, they have thrown the whole orderly process into chaos.  As has happened to me, I don't see the nice chap waving me through, so I sit there while other drivers get irritated that neither of us are going.  By the time I see the generosity being bestowed upon me, other drivers have taken the initiative and gone into the intersection, causing a gridlock that takes a few minutes to sort out.  If the abdicator would have simply gone when it was their turn everything would have been peachy.  Alas...

I know I should simply roll up to the four-way stop, take my turn and not let these folks get under my skin.  But I'm weak!  It just sticks in my craw!  I'm really not given to road rage, but dang if the four-way stop don't chap my hide!

Well, that's my rant and I feel better, my dear reader.  Thanks for indulging my harangue on the four-way stop.  Did I leave out anyone?  If so, let me know. Otherwise, happy and safe driving!