Bike Nazis

A friend of mine calls them bike nazis.  Not because they are sympathetic to the Third Reich, or because they have an affinity for swastika tattoos and skin tight hair cuts.  No, it has to do with their boorish attitudes and inconsideration for anything or anyone else while cycling.  When she sees a cyclist in multicolored spandex garb, she’s thinking brown shirts, clip in bike shoes, jack boots.  And I tend to agree.

Now, I’m not painting with a broad brush here, because my friend and I also ride bikes.  In fact, I see her more often on the bike trail than I do in other settings.  I’m fortunate enough to have a bike trail that parallels my route to work, and I bike several times a week. I get some exercise and also get to do my part for the environment.  I figure when this blue-green ball of terra firma finally explodes due to the ravages of the evil human race, I won’t feel as guilty as others and will be able to hold my breath a little longer than those out of shape types that didn’t ride their bikes.  I guessing that I and a lot of people from China, along with bike nazis everywhere, will be some of the last to succumb to the lack of breathable air.  And that’s a good thing, right?

Actually, she’s not nearly as clever as I give her credit for, I found the term defined online at Urban Dictionary.  Check them out, they're funny.  I also found a tee shirt I’d like to own on the site, but it’s nearly $34.  I’ll spend that money elsewhere. 

Here, I’d like to list a few characteristics I see in bike nazis:

• Bike nazis never wave at passersby unless they can ascertain that they too are a bike nazi.
• Bike nazis ignore all stop signs and red lights.
• Bike nazis will ride on the road instead of on the bike trail that’s just 20 yards to their right.
• Bike nazis usually ride in packs and will ride three abreast, regardless of how busy the traffic is behind them.
• Bike nazis think the slogan, “Share the Road” means sharing with motorists the same 15 mph they’re peddling, regardless of the 45mph speed limit that’s posted for that road.

I’m sure you could add a few of your own.  Don’t hesitate to do so in the comment section below.  I’d love to read them.

I had an encounter that helped persuade me to agree with the title of bike nazi.  It was a hot and steamy summer morning, and  I was cycling to work.  I saw three cyclists coming towards me about 100 yards away.  We were at the narrowest part of the trail and they were riding three abreast.  I was as far right as I could go, but there wasn’t room for us to pass.  At about 75 yards the guy directly in my path saw me.  He didn’t move.  He simply stared a me.  As we got closer, he and I were staring each other down.  I had no place to go as there was a fence to my right.  I rode on.  He kept coming straight at me. 

I resolved to not give any ground, as I had none to give.

He kept coming straight for me.

I steeled myself for the potential collision.

He kept coming straight for me.

I sped up hoping the extra momentum would give me an advantage.

He kept coming straight for me.

I remember thinking, “This is going to hurt.”

he kept coming straight for me.

Within 10 yards of colliding with me, he veered right and tucked in behind the other two.  I think I had the, “Oh Crap!” look on my face right before that.  Fortunately, disaster was averted, but I’ve held disdain for bike nazis ever since.

Still, I will continue to bike, despite the presence of bike nazis.  And I hold out hope that bike nazis will see the error of their ways and become considerate of others.  Am I hoping for too much?  Probably.  But I’ll hope anyway. And I’m thinking spandex isn’t a bad idea; you know, with all that chafing going on.  Just sayin’.