The Sasquash

Behold the sasquash as it waited for me at the office

My friend, Indie, is the type of person who would give you the shirt off her back, modesty considering.  I think of her as Indie the Generous.  She recently asked me if I'd like a squash from her garden.  I like squash and I've learned over the years that it is good to accept things from people when they offer them, so I said yes.  The next day her husband came in the office with my squash.  I measured it and weighed it after getting home and found that it was three feet long and weighed a whopping eight pounds. 

The sasquash next to a knife, for reference

I had to keep it at the office until I was ready to go home, so it was quite the conversation piece.  I asked Indie the Generous what kind of squash it was.  She said it was a "Chinese something."  My friend, Dan the 80's Hair Metal Enthusiast, called it "the big-ass squash."  Indeed.  Another friend, Juice Man Gary, called it the sasquash.  Ron John (because he's cool like the beach) concurred.  I figured that was a good name and until otherwise corrected it would be known henceforth as the sasquash.

Despite it's gargantuan. tubular qualities, double entendres and innuendos were kept at a minimum.  In fact, the only thing I can recall was a comment made by Juice Man Gary when he shared that he had squash envy.

Deep fried sasquash spears

When I brought the sasquash into the house my family marveled at it's hugeness.  Then I set to preparing what I hoped would be sasquash delicacies.  After peeling it and cutting away the seeds the sasquash probably lost half it's weight.  Still, four or five pounds of sasquash is a significant amount. I decided to prepare it as any good Southerner would do, I fried part and boiled part with onion, garlic and way too much butter.  Squash is one of those veggies that does not have a significant taste, so the ingredients used to spice it are pretty important.  Floured and spiced, deep fried to a golden brown, I dipped sasquash spears into ranch dressing and found them pretty darn tasty.  The boiled sasquash was actually the star attraction as the flavors of garlic, onion and sasqaush, all drowned in butter, was quite delicious.  The girls really liked the latter prepared sasquash and didn't want to share.  

The ladies choice

I had plans to go to dinner at my friend Mike's house, as his family was out of town for the weekend and he was "bach'en" it (as in being a faux bachelor; and Mike doesn't get a nickname, but sometimes I call him Miguel).  I brought sweet tea and fried sasquash spears.  He'd prepared pulled pork on kaiser rolls with this insane hot sauce, and a vat of black beans and rice.  Man food.  The fried sasquash spears were a nice complement.  We ate until we were sick, and it was fortunate that no ladies were present for the resultant gastric "issues".  I'm proud to say that  sasqaush was a pleasant contributing factor.

All in all, the sasquash was a success.  Perhaps one day I'll find out it's real name.  But, if I do I believe it will always be the sasquash to me.  Indie, thanks for an interesting and delightful culinary experience.