Nothing says, “Happy Birthday, Jesus,” quite like the incessant drone of Christmas music. One of the local radio stations in my neck of the woods starts the musical barrage Thanksgiving day and doesn't let up until December 26th. Being that my family and I have succumbed to the avarice and hedonism that define the holiday season, I find myself confronted (or more aptly put, affronted) with all the musical Christmas joy one can stand. It's a wonder I don't go insane with all that joy.
With that, I thought I'd compile a short list of the songs I find most vexing. These tunes start out innocuous enough at the beginning, but by Christmas day are on my last olfactory nerve. The songs range from egregious to “please make it stop!”, but that order can change depending on my mood. I've also included a link to the song, because I can be sadistic like that. Enjoy!
Why is there an Italian Christmas donkey? Was there a donkey at the manger (that's where Jesus was born, for all you heathens)? Was it as obnoxious sounding as the one in the song? If it was, I'm sure Joseph would have run that thing out! Kids love the silly songs, and I bet the first time I heard this one, like thirty years ago, I probably thought it was cute, too. But now, I just want it to shut up.
Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful song and the story is very touching, but after getting all jacked up on Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer and The 12 Days of Christmas, this song is a killjoy! I thought Christmas was all about presents, parties, and other over indulgences. I know that to admit this I might have to turn in my man card, but this song has made me cry, and there's no crying at Christmas!
Paul McCartney is a great song writer and performer, so it pains me to have to throw this one into the mix. My daughter loves this song and didn’t want me to include it, but that staccato synthesizer noise running throughout the song assaults my head like a jackhammer. And lyrically it's simply banal. Now, I like a humdrum Christmas song as much as the next guy, but this one gets irritating as it repeats, “simply having a wonderful Christmas time,” somewhere near 3000 times. I really want to, but not with this song playing.
Do I really need to say anything here? Six year old’s love it, but it's "fingers to the chalkboard" for me. Ross Bagdasarian Sr., the creator and voice for the original Chipmunks, won a couple of Grammy awards for engineering that crazy chipmunk sound. I didn't know they handed out Grammys for sadism. My daughter likes this one too, and being a loving father I endure it for her sake. Barely.
From the band, Wham! I could just pass this one off as some 80's pop pap if I heard it once or twice a holiday season, but they play it unmercifully all the time! George Michael whining about heartbreak simply does not encourage Christmas cheer! And George creeping around public bathrooms looking for an “incidental hook-up” is bad, but it pales in comparison to the evil wrought by this supposed Christmas song. If I never hear this one again, it'll be too soon.
I'd like to make a few honorable mentions here; like Stevie Nick's scary rendition of Silent Night, Jars of Clay's odd sounding Little Drummer Boy and the tiresome Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. I'm sure you have your picks for most annoying Christmas songs, so let me know what they are. At this point in the holiday season there's a good chance I’ll agree with you.
And with that, I'd like to say to all of you that celebrate Christmas, have a good 'un. If you don't, well have a good 'un anyway.
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar