Are Pets Good Listeners?

A poll conducted by the Associated Press and Petside.com found that a third of married women think that their pets are better listeners than their husbands.  Eighteen percent of married men think their pets are better listeners than their wives.  I’m thinking of commissioning a poll to find out why such a poll was conducted. 

I asked my wife who she thought listened better, me or our beagle-basset mix named Emma.  She responded, “no one listens to me.”  Ouch!  She left it at that, too. 

Now, Emma’s a pretty dumb dog.  Remember, she fell in a hole in our yard and couldn’t get out.  And I can’t seem to stop her from rolling around in other dog’s pooh.  I’m told it’s a natural instinct, But I really want her to stop tracking that crap in the house.  It’s really hard to imagine her holding up her end of the conversation, if you know what I mean.  But, I’ve come in on the conversations my wife has with the dog, so I know they happen. (She talks sweeter to Emma than at anytime in our nearly twenty year marriage. Ouch, again!)

Feeling a little paranoid, I thought I’d conduct an experiment and find out if Emma is, in fact, a good listener.  I sat down with her and started the conversation with the usual perfunctories: 

• “How was your day?”
• “Getting plenty to eat?”
• “How do you like the brand of dog food we buy you, anyway?” 

We moved on to more substantive topics like:

• “Is it the thunder or the lightning that scares the crap out of you?”
• “Why do you roll around in dog pooh?”
• So, what do you think about health care reform?”

I didn’t get any reaction.  Just the same expression.  She was very attentive, though.  Every so often she’d nuzzle my hand, hoping I would pet her, but that was about it. 

Then I asked her if she wanted something to eat.  Now that got her attention!  I followed that by asking if she wanted to go for a walk.  She nearly knocked me over as she ran to the door!  The ironic part is, I react pretty much the same way when my wife mentions food or going somewhere to me.  The dog and I have that in common!

Still, Emma gave the impression she was listening.  I have to admit, staring at the TV or working a Sudoku while she’s talking might give the impression I’m not listening.  Maybe the poll had a point, after all.  Dang!