Kamis, 29 April 2010

Maybe the Best Advice I’ve Given My Son

vhs-tapes Well, probably the best advice I’d given my son since the “Don’t take drugs or I’ll kill you” advice I shared when he was five years old.  News about the former Presidential hopeful and hairspray model John Edwards’ sex tape was on TV, When I looked at him and said, “Son, never…ever…ever…make a sex tape!”  It could be one of the most important pieces of advice he’ll ever get.

Sure it seems to be en vogue to tape your carnal conquests when the likes of Rob Lowe, Pamela Anderson and Kim Kardashian do it.  Somehow they wind up distributed for general viewing, and always against the consent of the filmed (ostensibly, that is).  Some weather the tape’s distribution well, others don’t.  John Edwards is in the “don’t” category.   

The reason for my advice is my boy has some talent.  He’s a really good writer and a smokin’ guitar player.  I’d hate to see something like this ruin his 15 minutes of fame. But, then again, I'm biased. (Of course, it didn’t hurt the likes of Kim Kardashian, but that’s a different matter altogether) 

**Disclaimer**  I, personally, have not seen these acts of coition that have been infamously preserved for posterity.  I was able to do the research on celebrity sex tapes on Wikipedia, the internet’s most reliable repository of knowledge about everything.  Look it up if you don’t believe me.  Also, my wife will confirm I’m the world’s most annoying “goody two-shoes”.  She hates it.

And, as an aside, who wants to see themselves in the throws of amorous affection anyway.  I couldn’t handle it.  I can imagine the thoughts that would run through my head:

“Wow, that looked awkward!”

“Do I really make that face?”

“Uh, sweetie, why do you look bored?”

No, I couldn’t handle it.

How this all turns out for John Edwards, I couldn’t tell you.  Besides, he’s a scumbag, so who cares.  But, if my boy did it, that’s a different matter.  Maybe if I threaten to kill him like I did with the drug thing.  That’s worked so far. 

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